


Hello, IT

by Regarklipop



Category: IT Crowd, One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-06 03:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1842301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Regarklipop/pseuds/Regarklipop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall just wants to play Can the Cuke on FriendFace, not get tied up in Liam's Ménage à Trois. Thank god Zayn's here, sort of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hello, IT

**Author's Note:**

  * For [autopsyofwebs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/autopsyofwebs/gifts).



> For the lovely Yuelei! Glad you're back! 
> 
> This is definitely a take off of The IT Crowd. Only somehow it became sexier???

The telephone’s ringing again, and Niall is absolutely not getting up to get it. He’s just settled in for a quick session on FriendFace; whoever’s on the line can bugger off. A switch flips and Niall’s happy to hear the playback device go on.

"Hello, IT, have you tried turning it off and on again?" It had been Niall and Zayn’s mutual laziness and general hatred of every employee in the company that had finally pushed them into a proper set-up for avoiding everyone.

It was a stroke of pure genius.

He’s halfway through a game of ‘Can the Cuke’ when Liam walks in looking sick, slumping down at the end of the couch with his head in his hands.

"What’ve ya’ gone and done Leemo?" Liam’s shaking his head, letting out a sigh that worries Niall when it changes into hysterical giggling.

"I met up with a friend of mine, y’know, the one from FriendFace?" Niall nods, knowing the dangers of meeting up with people online after a bet Zayn and him had going about how people went for badasses went sour.

(Zayn may have sort of won that round (he’d gotten further into his date before she’d dumped her drink on him) but Niall can safely say that 1) Zayn was by far the most attractive person in the room so that was a point in his corner; 2) the shag they’d had post-date was a win in both their books so it doesn't matter who won).

"Yeah?"

"I, uh, may have told them that I was a popular singer with an incredible boyfriend,"

"Okay…"

"And I may have agreed to meet-up with them for dinner alongside this boyfriend," ah.

"Well I’m not gonna’ be your boytoy. I’m pretty, but I’ll have you know I’m a taken man," Liam looks like he’s about to cry. "I don’t understand how ye even got yourself into this mess, you’re usually the one getting me ‘n’ Zayn out of ‘em,"

"I just got a little heated, especially when he started talking about how his boyfriend is the major shareholder of some big company or something…"

"What’s your friend’s name anyway?"

"He’s not really my friend at the moment, Niall, but his name’s Louis Tomlinson… will you help me or not?"

"Not for 20 quid. Why don’t you ask around, maybe Mr. Reynholm will go out with you," Liam sighs before going off to mope in his relationship manager’s office. The phone rings again.

"Hello IT have you tried turning it off-"

"I’ve tried everything I’ve even checked to see if it’s plugged in can I please get some service here?"

Niall heaves a sigh, notices he’s lost at ‘Can the Cuke’, mutters a swear and goes to see what some idiot has done to their computer this time.

___

Zayn ends up giving in before Niall does but Liam has to promise not to ever bring up the time Zayn set fire to the IT department after he forgot to turn off a soldering gun (he also ends up owing Zayn 50 quid).

“It still doesn’t help you because no one’s going to believe that yer a famous singer,” Niall’s taken full advantage of Liam’s couch, Love Actually ignored in favour of peeking over the back of the couch to watch his friend.

“I’ll just tell them that I’m part of an indie band that they probably haven’t heard of. Zayn can give me some cred that way,” he straightens his tie in the hall mirror.

“Just be glad that I’m more’n happy to see how this blows up in your face. And that I know Zayn’s going to find this as hilarious as I do. And that I know you’d never make a move on Zayn outside of that awkward time when you thought Zayn was a lost secretary,” Liam whips around.

“That was my first day Niall!” He groans. “I just remember the ensuing conversation where he talked to me about some Admiral 98 mumbo jumbo for an hour and a half,” Niall sighs happily. He likes when Zayn talks tech to show stupid people how brilliant he is. 

“Where is Zayn anyway?” 

“He’s on his-” Niall’s interrupted by the doorbell. Laughing when Liam opens the door to a huge bouquet of flowers.

“Zayn, honestly this isn’t a real date for god’s sake,” but Zayn looks at Liam with sorrowful eyes and Niall can see Liam collapse like a flan in a cupboard. He takes the flowers and ushers Zayn into his flat.

“Well at least you’ll give Liam some indie cred…” Zayn’s got his tightest trousers on over his non-existent bum (that Niall’s totally in love with) and a soft grey sweater with shorter sleaves. He looks soulful and soft and has his black rimmed glasses on and Niall can see his tattoos. He looks like a hipster.

“How about Liam goes on the date alone and Zayn and I roleplay jock and hipster fanfiction?” Niall isn’t phased by the stare-down Liam gives him, but happily receives the kiss that Zayn drops on his lips as Liam struggles into a blazer that doesn’t look like it was properly cut for him. 

"I'm sure you'd love for me 'n' you to make-out right now but I have to got save Liam from himself," Zayn gives Niall a wicked look.

“God help that man. Take an instagram photo when it all blows up in his face will you?” Zayn chuckles and it goes straight down Niall’s spine. He really wants to stay in with Zayn and make-out on Liam’s couch. 

“Zayn!” Liam sounds strangled so Niall sighs and lets go of his boyfriend, watching as he and an anxious Liam walk out the door. He’s pumped to see how an evening of Liam trying to pretend he’s Zayn’s boyfriend ends.   
___

It ends with Niall woken up abruptly from his nap on the couch as the credits for Love Actually play for the second time. There are keys jingling in the lock and Niall figures Liam and Zayn are home a bit early. When the front door opens though, it’s only Zayn that steps through.

“Did the date end way earlier than expected?” Zayn shakes his head as he unlaces his boots at the front door, locking it after he finally gets his shoes off.

“Nah, Louis and Harry figured out pretty early on that me ‘n’ Liam weren’t together, and that Liam was not a famous singer. Instead of getting awkward though it just got…” Zayn looks up at Niall with a tilt to his mouth. “Weirdly sexual.”

All Niall can do is tilt his head back with laughter.

“Also, turns out Harry is on the board for Reynholm industries and is actual loaded beyond your wildest dreams.” Niall’s still laughing. He’s laughing even as Zayn settles down beside him and cuddles his face into Niall’ chest.

His laughter becomes choked when Zayn presses a kiss to his adam’s apple and his thumb slips under Niall’s t-shirt to wipe at soft skin. It stops when Zayn presses a kiss to his mouth.

Twenty minutes later Zayn’s got his hands down the front of Nialls jeans, muttering about bands Niall doesn’t know about while Niall pretends he’s ignoring him in favour of a football game that in reality he knows nothing about. He’s about to make a slick move when the two of them hear the frantic jingling of keys in the lock, freezing where they are on the couch. The sound of a body hitting the door stops hearts.

Hearts start again in hyperdrive with two realisations:

1) Liam’s home.

2) He’s not alone. 

Zayn and Niall are off the couch in seconds; frantically flailing at each other before making a dive for the toilet, forgoing the light as they try and push each other into the bathtub without taking out the shower curtains.

They joke about Liam, but they’re not callous enough to ruin his chances. They huddle in the bottom of the tub, desperately trying to quiet their breathing as someone finally gets the front door open and the sound of three bodies stumbling into the front hall has both of them closing their eyes and praying.

It’s then that it clicks for Niall that his friend, boss, and boss’s boyfriend are all outside the bathroom right now, and that all three of them (from what he can hear) are hoping to get it in.

He looks at Zayn, who looks wide-eyed in the dim light coming from the cracked door. He slaps a hand over his mouth to stop the laughter. 

“Gimme’ a second lads I need to go for a wee,” 

“Shitshitshit,” Zayn mouths at him, as the two of them try to stay quiet. It’s agony as the door creaks open, and the lights slapped on. Of course the toilet is right next to the bath. The only thing keeping Zayn and him from being spotted are the magnets that keep the flimsy shower curtain attached to the bath. 

It’s long moments before the tap runs for thirty nerve-wracking seconds before whoever it is turns it off. When the door creaks open Niall watches as Zayn relaxes. Instead of quiet however, someone else comes in.

“Liam’s started up the shower. Says we can come in whenever we like, I just wanted to…”

There’s kissing sounds and it’d be kinda’ hot if Niall wasn’t begging for a mercy kill to get him out of this situation. Zayn’s hands are in front of his face, maybe hoping that he can block out the memories if he can’t see them. 

The making-out gets louder and more graphic sounding, and Niall glares down at his dick so it doesn’t get any ideas. The sound of someone getting picked up echoes in the space, but it’s clear whoever it is isn’t too happy about it,

“Harry! Fucking hell, put me down you over-” There’s a yelp and as though in slow motion, Niall watches a hand come and grasp the shower curtain, yanking hard enough that the entire rod comes sailing towards him.

“Shit! Should we fix it?” Niall and Zayn, through the grace of God are completely covered in ample amounts of shower curtain. He can only stare with wide eyes at the blue fabric covering his face. His last image of Zayn is a shocked look.

“I’m ready when you guys are,” is faintly heard in the direction of the bedroom and Niall hears an agreement over telling Liam the next day as Louis and Harry gun it out of the bathroom. 

___

When they get home after a taxi trip filled with silence, Zayn and Niall strip off all their clothes as soon as they get into their flat. They go through their bedtime routine with grave looks. However, when they finally crawl into bed together there’s a beat and then the two of them are laughing so hard that the laughs dissolve into wheezes and squeaks. When it finally trails off, Niall and Zayn are still grinning at one another as they curl into each other, drifting off to the hum of their three computers. The two of them are too deeply asleep to hear Niall’s phone go off with a text an hour later.

Liam: YOU WERE STILL IN THE HOUSE?????????? 

Follows his picture of the broken shower curtains, “GET IN” written underneath. 

 

END

**Author's Note:**

> This may become a series. We'll see. I defs want to write something that's more Zayn-centric next time.
> 
> regarklia.tumblr.com


End file.
